1
00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:09,040
Fighting pool, fighting pool. One's a
dork but the other's cool.

2
00:00:09,340 --> 00:00:14,360
Spin the web, shoot a gun. Find your
girl, get her done. Watch out!

3
00:00:14,740 --> 00:00:16,420
Get on the fighting pool.

4
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:22,040
If a foot's tight, they will bang her
all night.

5
00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:26,760
Cut you down, and you'll shit out of
luck.

6
00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:28,280
Fighting pool.

7
00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:41,720
Hey man, whenever there's some hot bit,
they're gonna pull out that bit.

8
00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:43,440
Here comes Friday Fool!

9
00:01:34,259 --> 00:01:37,200
Sorry, the library asked me to work a
double night shift.

10
00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:48,520
You said that double shift didn't have
to be one's hair and she used it.

11
00:02:20,590 --> 00:02:21,590
Was it something I said?

12
00:02:22,890 --> 00:02:23,890
No, silly.

13
00:02:24,250 --> 00:02:26,970
You had the audition and my alarm didn't
go off.

14
00:02:28,930 --> 00:02:30,930
Okay, Emily's stupid audition.

15
00:02:32,730 --> 00:02:33,730
What'd you say?

16
00:02:34,230 --> 00:02:36,830
I said... I said great.

17
00:02:38,210 --> 00:02:42,230
You know, you could always come with me
for the new Deadpool movie.

18
00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:43,690
Can you find Reynolds?

19
00:02:45,570 --> 00:02:47,610
Well, I'd love to.

20
00:02:48,070 --> 00:02:49,450
But I gotta...

21
00:02:50,060 --> 00:02:51,980
I gotta finish that chemistry paper.

22
00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:53,300
It's due tomorrow.

23
00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:55,140
Bummer. Pain tiger.

24
00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:56,640
Such a bookworm.

25
00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:58,280
How do I look?

26
00:02:59,700 --> 00:03:00,700
Amazing.

27
00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:10,800
After my audition, I'm going to meet
Alicia at the Village Village.

28
00:03:11,220 --> 00:03:12,240
Should be done around 4.

29
00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:13,500
Do you believe?

30
00:03:13,580 --> 00:03:14,379
You bet.

31
00:03:14,380 --> 00:03:15,980
Great. See you later, handsome.

32
00:03:33,420 --> 00:03:36,840
And turn the face toward the light. That
is perfect, perfect.

33
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:38,640
Can I help you?

34
00:03:39,340 --> 00:03:42,040
Oh, uh, yes. Hi, I'm Mary Jane Watson.

35
00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:44,440
I'm here to read for the role of Satana
Hellstrom.

36
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:45,960
Sure.

37
00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:47,160
Let me get your ID.

38
00:03:48,660 --> 00:03:49,660
Thank you.

39
00:03:52,340 --> 00:03:53,340
Here's some paperwork.

40
00:03:54,220 --> 00:03:57,320
If you'll please fill that out and have
a seat. I'll get back to you in a

41
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,320
minute.

42
00:04:13,630 --> 00:04:14,890
What? Are we over time?

43
00:04:15,390 --> 00:04:18,610
No, we're not over time. I rented the
theater for 26 hours.

44
00:04:19,450 --> 00:04:21,070
This should be fine.

45
00:04:21,329 --> 00:04:22,890
You scared the shit out of me, man.

46
00:04:24,110 --> 00:04:28,330
What? Look, there's a young lady here
who wants to read her role in Saving the

47
00:04:28,330 --> 00:04:31,350
Tartar. Oh, we already cast Jessica
Drake and it's perfect.

48
00:04:31,990 --> 00:04:34,030
Yeah, well, I think we should take a
look at her.

49
00:04:35,730 --> 00:04:38,550
You know, I think the carpets match the
drapes, you know what I mean?

50
00:04:39,710 --> 00:04:40,710
Hmm.

51
00:04:41,390 --> 00:04:43,790
I don't know. She kind of looks like a
can of James with dried hair, but sure.

52
00:04:43,930 --> 00:04:44,930
Let's figure it out.

53
00:04:47,430 --> 00:04:50,630
DP? What's wrong? Everybody clear the
stage!

54
00:04:50,870 --> 00:04:51,870
Oh, great. I got it.

55
00:04:52,130 --> 00:04:53,130
You know,

56
00:04:57,070 --> 00:05:00,730
being back here on the board reminds me
of my early days in theater.

57
00:05:01,370 --> 00:05:03,930
To be or not to be.

58
00:05:04,730 --> 00:05:06,110
That is the question.

59
00:05:06,570 --> 00:05:07,690
James! James!

60
00:05:08,330 --> 00:05:09,330
James!

61
00:05:10,700 --> 00:05:12,120
Please clear the stage.

62
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,060
Yes, of course.

63
00:05:18,500 --> 00:05:20,180
Good luck, uh, miss.

64
00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:22,140
Watson. Mary Jane Watson.

65
00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:24,040
Enchanté.

66
00:05:24,820 --> 00:05:27,600
I'm James LeBleu, agent of the stars.

67
00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:29,380
Pleasure to meet you.

68
00:05:29,740 --> 00:05:30,739
Pleasure to meet you.

69
00:05:30,740 --> 00:05:33,540
Are you, um, Mr.

70
00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:34,880
Reynolds? Mr.

71
00:05:35,540 --> 00:05:38,000
Oh, oh, yes, yes, of course I do.

72
00:05:38,990 --> 00:05:40,650
James, get off the fucking stage.

73
00:05:41,490 --> 00:05:43,430
How many times do I have to say this?

74
00:05:44,450 --> 00:05:46,030
Kitten had clogs.

75
00:05:46,850 --> 00:05:48,130
Thank you. Good luck.

76
00:05:48,370 --> 00:05:49,370
Call me.

77
00:05:54,690 --> 00:05:57,910
Uh, hi, everyone. My name is Mary Jane
Watson.

78
00:05:58,290 --> 00:05:59,470
People call me MJ.

79
00:06:00,230 --> 00:06:04,290
I just want to say that this is truly an
honor and a privilege. All right, let's

80
00:06:04,290 --> 00:06:06,430
move it along, shall we? Yes, of course.

81
00:06:06,970 --> 00:06:08,150
Um, well...

82
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:10,720
I'd be reading with Ryan.

83
00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:16,060
I mean, I can totally read with a stand
-in or even alone.

84
00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:22,260
But, as you know, this scene does call
for somewhat physical interaction with

85
00:06:22,260 --> 00:06:26,920
Deadpool, and I thought maybe my
character... Yes, Deadpool, Deadpool,

86
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,300
problem. You can read with Deadpool.

87
00:06:28,620 --> 00:06:31,260
Wade, please come back to the stage.

88
00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:33,700
Wade, of course.

89
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,920
Method, never be character.

90
00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:54,020
Sorry, sorry. I was just, uh, pinching a
loaf in the sink.

91
00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:57,480
What?

92
00:06:58,380 --> 00:06:59,780
Public toilets gross me out.

93
00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:04,400
Hi.

94
00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:11,460
And... Action!

95
00:07:12,820 --> 00:07:14,900
Actually, would you mind if I take my
teeth out real quick?

96
00:07:31,470 --> 00:07:32,470
All right.

97
00:07:32,530 --> 00:07:35,250
And... Action!

98
00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:37,770
I think I have one more thing.

99
00:07:38,010 --> 00:07:40,890
Would it be possible for me to go by in
the curtain and come out?

100
00:07:42,110 --> 00:07:43,110
Sure.

101
00:07:44,590 --> 00:07:49,250
Is she okay?

102
00:07:50,490 --> 00:07:51,490
Action!

103
00:07:51,770 --> 00:07:53,450
At last, my love.

104
00:07:53,870 --> 00:07:54,910
We are reunited.

105
00:07:55,790 --> 00:07:59,910
Our lives can begin to intertwine once
again.

106
00:08:11,050 --> 00:08:17,890
You and I have much in common. You see,
we are both lost

107
00:08:17,890 --> 00:08:20,550
souls in the realm of darkness.

108
00:08:21,170 --> 00:08:26,190
But together, we can call with souls.

109
00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:33,750
Hearts and lovers, so they can touch us
all together.

110
00:08:35,490 --> 00:08:38,650
Take your hand and lay it on my bosom.

111
00:08:41,260 --> 00:08:42,620
He needs to feel the closeness.

112
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:54,560
All right, let me ask you something.

113
00:08:54,820 --> 00:08:59,540
If you were to be cast in this role, are
you willing to shave your head, gain 40

114
00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:01,760
pounds, and get a face tattoo?

115
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:03,500
What?

116
00:09:03,620 --> 00:09:05,400
Yes. Yes, absolutely.

117
00:09:06,220 --> 00:09:07,700
All right, we'll let you know.

118
00:09:07,940 --> 00:09:09,580
Thanks. Thank you.

119
00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:11,440
Thank you.

120
00:09:11,900 --> 00:09:12,900
Yeah.

121
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:15,640
Good luck.

122
00:09:18,740 --> 00:09:20,400
Yes, Tommy, I understand.

123
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:22,060
Yes.

124
00:09:23,460 --> 00:09:26,840
And you tell that Zendaya to stop
blowing up my phone already.

125
00:09:27,060 --> 00:09:29,920
I'm not one of those dime -a -dozen CAA
agents.

126
00:09:30,180 --> 00:09:32,400
I'm James LeBlow, damn it.

127
00:09:32,700 --> 00:09:34,000
Show me some respect.

128
00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:39,800
I'm so sorry, Tommy.

129
00:09:40,620 --> 00:09:41,980
It's my blood sugar.

130
00:09:42,660 --> 00:09:43,660
Hey there.

131
00:09:43,860 --> 00:09:50,420
Hi. You know, I have to tell you, I
thought your acting was really, really

132
00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:52,080
Really?

133
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:55,880
Yeah, really. It made my ball feel all
warm and fuzzy.

134
00:09:57,240 --> 00:09:59,400
Oh my God, Ryan, you're hilarious.

135
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:02,960
Ryan?

136
00:10:04,180 --> 00:10:09,240
Hey, um, I don't mean to, like, fangirl,
um, but...

137
00:10:09,930 --> 00:10:12,070
I know we're probably going to end up
working together anyway.

138
00:10:12,530 --> 00:10:14,470
I was wondering if I could get your
autograph.

139
00:10:15,050 --> 00:10:17,770
I've been a fan for, like, such a long
time.

140
00:10:18,330 --> 00:10:21,830
I even used to have a Van Wilder poster
in my dorm room.

141
00:10:22,850 --> 00:10:24,130
Uh, yeah.

142
00:10:24,950 --> 00:10:25,950
No problem at all.

143
00:10:26,150 --> 00:10:27,570
Hey, do you have a piece of paper?

144
00:10:27,890 --> 00:10:29,790
Or do you want me to sign your boobies?

145
00:10:30,750 --> 00:10:31,810
Yes, thank you.

146
00:10:40,780 --> 00:10:41,780
Okay, I'll get back then.

147
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:46,120
Face it, tiger.

148
00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:47,660
You just hit the jackpot.

149
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:50,600
Okay.

150
00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:53,480
Oh.

151
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:55,800
Oh.

152
00:10:56,420 --> 00:10:57,540
Oh, what's your name again?

153
00:10:58,740 --> 00:11:01,480
Oh, whatever. Who gives a fuck?

154
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:06,120
You're just the red devil.

155
00:11:06,980 --> 00:11:07,980
Oh.

156
00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:09,240
Oh.

157
00:11:28,310 --> 00:11:29,810
You're perfect for this role.

158
00:11:30,110 --> 00:11:31,110
Oh, yeah.

159
00:11:31,910 --> 00:11:33,470
Satan's daughter, here we come.

160
00:11:45,150 --> 00:11:46,150
That's right.

161
00:11:51,090 --> 00:11:52,590
Repeat, what are you doing?

162
00:11:53,190 --> 00:11:54,230
You're re -questioned.

163
00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:58,880
For the love of God, we cannot do this
anymore.

164
00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:01,840
Remember what happened to Weinstein?

165
00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:08,020
You know, I always told Harv, I said,
this whole massage thing, I mean,

166
00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:11,040
You're fat, you're ugly.

167
00:12:11,700 --> 00:12:13,260
Oh, not again.

168
00:12:15,140 --> 00:12:16,140
You're welcome.

169
00:12:16,980 --> 00:12:17,980
Again.

170
00:12:18,540 --> 00:12:19,640
Now, where were we?

171
00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:25,620
What's your name?

172
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:28,440
Mary Jane Watson. Oh, fuck.

173
00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:33,480
Mary Jane Watson. Oh, my God.

174
00:12:44,060 --> 00:12:48,320
Oh, my God.

175
00:13:01,900 --> 00:13:03,260
oh my god

176
00:13:33,870 --> 00:13:34,870
I get it.

177
00:14:07,010 --> 00:14:09,670
Oh, my God, no.

178
00:14:48,300 --> 00:14:50,480
Oh my god. Oh my god.

179
00:14:54,840 --> 00:15:01,540
Oh my

180
00:15:01,540 --> 00:15:02,540
god.

181
00:15:32,910 --> 00:15:33,910
There you go.

182
00:16:28,940 --> 00:16:30,240
I'm going to get the other ear.

183
00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:24,659
Oh my god.

184
00:17:24,660 --> 00:17:29,040
Oh my god.

185
00:18:00,510 --> 00:18:03,910
Oh my god, yes, yes.

186
00:18:04,570 --> 00:18:06,950
Oh, yes, yes, yes.

187
00:18:09,530 --> 00:18:13,150
Oh my god, yes.

188
00:18:13,750 --> 00:18:15,630
Oh my god.

189
00:18:18,470 --> 00:18:19,470
Yes,

190
00:18:20,450 --> 00:18:21,730
taste it.

191
00:18:29,989 --> 00:18:32,790
Oh shit.

192
00:19:02,190 --> 00:19:03,190
Thank you.

193
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:45,200
Oh, you're freaky.

194
00:19:45,620 --> 00:19:47,000
You know where this mask has been.

195
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:31,400
oh oh

196
00:27:16,399 --> 00:27:17,800
Oh.

197
00:27:24,430 --> 00:27:25,430
Oh!

198
00:28:15,500 --> 00:28:17,300
Oh my god, Ian.

199
00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:21,260
Oh my

200
00:28:21,260 --> 00:28:27,900
god, Ian.

201
00:28:33,100 --> 00:28:35,480
Ian. Ian.

202
00:29:05,790 --> 00:29:06,790
Thank you.

203
00:30:05,919 --> 00:30:06,919
Oh, God.

204
00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:08,260
Oh, my God.

205
00:30:09,460 --> 00:30:10,460
Yeah.

206
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:12,220
All you want to taste that gum.

207
00:30:39,439 --> 00:30:42,240
Oh, yeah.

208
00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:21,900
Wow. I told

209
00:31:21,900 --> 00:31:24,600
you. You hit the fucking jackpot.

210
00:31:25,680 --> 00:31:27,520
Oh my god, how amazing.

211
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:31,740
Thank you, Ryan.

212
00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:34,940
Oh yeah, I've been meaning to ask you.

213
00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:36,440
Who's this Ryan guy?

214
00:31:51,940 --> 00:31:52,940
Honey,

215
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:56,220
I'm home.

216
00:31:58,020 --> 00:31:59,680
Wait in the bed.

217
00:32:07,580 --> 00:32:09,760
You're the living Virginia, not a mean
wall crawler.

218
00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:13,220
What the hell are you even doing here? I
could ask you the same thing.

219
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:15,580
By the way, huge fan of your movies.

220
00:32:16,260 --> 00:32:18,640
Teary -dough -eyed Tobey Maguire with
that sweet lisp.

221
00:32:18,900 --> 00:32:19,900
So adorable.

222
00:32:20,660 --> 00:32:22,400
And I don't know how I felt about Tom
Holland.

223
00:32:22,780 --> 00:32:24,600
Tell us how I'm doing Umbrella and Lip
Sync Battle.

224
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:27,140
Holy shit, that boy can dance.

225
00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:29,080
They should cast him as Fred Astaire, am
I right?

226
00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:32,380
Dude. And Garfield. Wow, he's great in
Social Network.

227
00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:35,320
But he just isn't right for Spidey. I
mean, for the love of fuck, he's

228
00:32:35,770 --> 00:32:38,550
That's like having a Yankee play James
Bond. And that's just a big no -no.

229
00:32:38,950 --> 00:32:40,770
Tom Holland is British, too. What?

230
00:32:41,450 --> 00:32:43,170
Dude, what are you doing here?

231
00:32:43,550 --> 00:32:44,549
Ah, jeez.

232
00:32:44,550 --> 00:32:45,550
You're so nosy.

233
00:32:45,990 --> 00:32:49,030
You know, I'm not one to kiss and tell,
but I boned this super hot redhead, and

234
00:32:49,030 --> 00:32:49,909
she's got her IDs.

235
00:32:49,910 --> 00:32:51,750
So I thought I'd come over here, maybe
we could do something together.

236
00:32:52,010 --> 00:32:54,370
Like anal. Wait, you did what?

237
00:32:54,850 --> 00:32:55,850
You know.

238
00:32:56,710 --> 00:32:57,990
Boned. Oh, God.

239
00:32:58,690 --> 00:32:59,750
I know, right?

240
00:33:00,630 --> 00:33:01,569
Funny story.

241
00:33:01,570 --> 00:33:05,090
We were doing auditions for my newest
porn parody, and this smoking hot chick

242
00:33:05,090 --> 00:33:05,759
showed up.

243
00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:08,340
I mean, she was all over me. She kept
calling me Ryan.

244
00:33:08,820 --> 00:33:13,460
Anyway, long story short, we made the
chimmy fucking chocos, if you catch my

245
00:33:13,460 --> 00:33:15,680
drift. And she was... She's my
girlfriend, you asshole.

246
00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:17,580
What? You're Ryan.

247
00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:18,840
No.

248
00:33:19,180 --> 00:33:20,680
I'm... My name is Peter.

249
00:33:22,180 --> 00:33:23,180
Oh.

250
00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:24,640
Well.

251
00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:27,300
Peter, any consolation?

252
00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:28,680
You're super cute.

253
00:33:29,020 --> 00:33:30,240
By curious, by chance.

254
00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:34,200
We have to undo this. There has to be a
way.

255
00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:38,620
I hate to break it to you, PDO, but
there's a slight difference between your

256
00:33:38,620 --> 00:33:39,620
girlfriend and a light bulb.

257
00:33:40,220 --> 00:33:41,440
You can unscrew a light bulb.

258
00:33:42,460 --> 00:33:43,460
Okay.

259
00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:46,220
That wasn't bad taste.

260
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:48,080
I apologize.

261
00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:50,360
And you know what? I'm going to help you
fix this.

262
00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:52,780
Let me buy you a drink.

263
00:33:53,660 --> 00:33:54,740
I don't drink.

264
00:33:55,040 --> 00:33:56,360
Oh, recovering alcoholic?

265
00:33:57,600 --> 00:33:59,000
Teetotaler. Huh?

266
00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:02,580
I abstain from alcoholic beverages as a
choice.

267
00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:07,760
But I respect it.

268
00:34:09,300 --> 00:34:12,020
You'll see from other fun things like
sex that might be the... Do you want me

269
00:34:12,020 --> 00:34:13,020
shoot my web up your ass?

270
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:16,080
Totally overstep.

271
00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:17,300
Got it. Yeah.

272
00:34:17,860 --> 00:34:19,860
By the way, the butter web thing is kind
of hot.

273
00:34:26,159 --> 00:34:33,020
I got

274
00:34:33,020 --> 00:34:34,018
it.

275
00:34:34,020 --> 00:34:35,320
We got it turned back time.

276
00:34:36,620 --> 00:34:39,320
Right. You got a time machine in your
pocket, Brainiac?

277
00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:42,920
No, Mr. Sarcastic, but I may just know
someone who can do the trick.

278
00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:57,740
Uh, are you sure this is it?

279
00:34:58,300 --> 00:34:59,500
Yeah, like totes.

280
00:35:00,500 --> 00:35:05,020
It just doesn't really strike me as a
superhero house.

281
00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:09,220
Right. As opposed to that roach
-infected dump that you and Firecrotch

282
00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:14,180
Dude, can you not... Yeah, this is
definitely the place.

283
00:35:14,500 --> 00:35:15,500
Yeah.

284
00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:16,940
Now let's go get her, Packard.

285
00:35:17,500 --> 00:35:18,500
Come on.

286
00:35:30,860 --> 00:35:31,718
Oh, Monica.

287
00:35:31,720 --> 00:35:32,720
Or what did I call you?

288
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:34,040
Photon.

289
00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:36,020
Yeah. I'm not falling for that one.

290
00:35:36,240 --> 00:35:37,780
I thought Captain Marvel was your class.

291
00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:40,500
Oh! Oh, that's so good.

292
00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:42,460
Actually, I go by Spectrum now.

293
00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:46,140
Spectrum? You think you could get me a
discount on my internet?

294
00:35:49,640 --> 00:35:50,640
Whoa.

295
00:35:51,100 --> 00:35:53,180
Hey, you might want to be nice to her.

296
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:54,760
She's the one that can actually help
you.

297
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:58,920
Bitch! I'm not helping you two
motherfuckers do shit. I'm going on a

298
00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:00,080
A sabbatical?

299
00:36:00,260 --> 00:36:01,400
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

300
00:36:01,640 --> 00:36:04,080
Look, just hear us out. It's for a
really good cause.

301
00:36:04,490 --> 00:36:07,170
Pretty pretty please with the cherry on
top

302
00:36:07,170 --> 00:36:14,370
Yeah,

303
00:36:14,370 --> 00:36:16,870
great You

304
00:36:16,870 --> 00:36:23,210
gotta be shitting me

305
00:36:23,210 --> 00:36:28,150
Had no way of fucking knowing I mean to
be perfectly honest. She was on fire. I

306
00:36:28,150 --> 00:36:32,550
mean she went ballistic when I said no
more wait Sorry, I know

307
00:36:33,700 --> 00:36:35,320
Seriously, what are you, like, 16?

308
00:36:35,740 --> 00:36:37,660
You know, 16 was a very hard age for me.

309
00:36:38,220 --> 00:36:40,320
My hormones were raging, my body was
blaspheming.

310
00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:45,420
I felt trapped, like a hyena in heat,
unable to release these lucky thoughts

311
00:36:45,420 --> 00:36:49,400
that constantly threatened to erupt from
within myself.

312
00:36:50,140 --> 00:36:54,260
At night, I wake up with the sheets
soaking wet and a freight train running

313
00:36:54,260 --> 00:36:55,260
through the middle of my head.

314
00:36:56,340 --> 00:37:00,580
When I was 16, I had acne and played the
accordion in the marching band.

315
00:37:01,720 --> 00:37:02,720
Yeah.

316
00:37:03,150 --> 00:37:04,610
Yeah, I can see that.

317
00:37:06,230 --> 00:37:07,330
So let me get this straight.

318
00:37:07,670 --> 00:37:11,670
You guys want to go back in time before
this fool intercourses with your

319
00:37:11,670 --> 00:37:14,190
girlfriend? She's actually my fiancée.

320
00:37:15,230 --> 00:37:16,149
Uh -huh.

321
00:37:16,150 --> 00:37:17,150
That's true.

322
00:37:17,610 --> 00:37:19,350
Didn't come to the wedding. The groom.

323
00:37:20,470 --> 00:37:24,490
Well, I'm afraid time travel is just out
of the scope of my power.

324
00:37:25,410 --> 00:37:26,550
I can't do it.

325
00:37:28,410 --> 00:37:30,810
But I know someone who can.

326
00:37:39,210 --> 00:37:42,150
You better have a good fucking reason
for calling me here.

327
00:37:44,790 --> 00:37:49,070
Well, it's kind of like a charity case.

328
00:37:49,470 --> 00:37:50,470
What?

329
00:37:52,610 --> 00:37:53,710
Sugar tits!

330
00:38:17,190 --> 00:38:18,470
Well, hello, Steven.

331
00:38:20,470 --> 00:38:23,710
By the wondrous wands of Watum, Carol,
have you gone mad?

332
00:38:24,430 --> 00:38:25,610
I have a doorbell.

333
00:38:26,590 --> 00:38:28,490
And a front door for crying out loud.

334
00:38:30,310 --> 00:38:34,350
Well, you know me. I like to make an
entrance.

335
00:38:48,030 --> 00:38:50,130
Okay, that was, like, totally dope.

336
00:38:52,010 --> 00:38:56,210
Actually, yeah, I think you missed a
tiny little spot there right in the

337
00:38:56,970 --> 00:38:59,250
But yeah, yeah, totally dope.

338
00:39:00,410 --> 00:39:01,410
Boys?

339
00:39:01,890 --> 00:39:03,350
Meet Dr. Stephen Strange.

340
00:39:04,070 --> 00:39:06,830
Wait, you're the Steve Strange?

341
00:39:07,290 --> 00:39:08,370
Like, from Visage?

342
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:22,320
You are stupid.

343
00:39:23,120 --> 00:39:26,880
In the name of the Tread Dormammu, no.

344
00:39:28,300 --> 00:39:33,680
I'm a world -renowned neurosurgeon
turned Sorcerer Supreme and Master of

345
00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:35,540
Mystic Arts. Wait, you're a surgeon?

346
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:38,220
Do you know how to treat an anal
prolapse?

347
00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:41,460
Ah, that'd be rude.

348
00:39:41,720 --> 00:39:42,720
Fred.

349
00:39:44,020 --> 00:39:46,180
Carol, a word?

350
00:39:59,470 --> 00:40:03,170
By the Sons of Satanish, what are you
doing?

351
00:40:04,290 --> 00:40:06,950
I'm just trying to help Underoos back
here.

352
00:40:07,830 --> 00:40:12,310
He needs to go back in time and fix
something bad.

353
00:40:14,870 --> 00:40:19,050
Carol, you of all people know there are
consequences to messing with time.

354
00:40:19,410 --> 00:40:20,990
Things can go terribly wrong.

355
00:40:21,450 --> 00:40:23,090
I know, I know.

356
00:40:23,570 --> 00:40:26,570
But this is a situation of like life or
death.

357
00:40:28,780 --> 00:40:29,780
Who died?

358
00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:30,960
Nobody.

359
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:34,540
He just needs to go back in time and
unfuck his girlfriend.

360
00:40:36,140 --> 00:40:37,300
Are you serious?

361
00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:39,120
Dead serious.

362
00:40:39,860 --> 00:40:42,380
Come on, Steven.

363
00:40:43,420 --> 00:40:44,880
Just a little spell.

364
00:40:46,060 --> 00:40:47,340
Be a good boy.

365
00:40:50,460 --> 00:40:51,460
Please.

366
00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:17,860
Now call upon the energy of the 12 moons
of Munaflore.

367
00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:19,920
12 moons?

368
00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:21,160
Serious?

369
00:41:21,420 --> 00:41:22,420
How about 13?

370
00:41:23,420 --> 00:41:25,560
Stop tampering with the bell!

371
00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:27,800
Sorry.

372
00:41:31,380 --> 00:41:32,940
Get out of the doodle.

373
00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:34,700
Your dick is now a noodle.

374
00:41:36,720 --> 00:41:38,240
Jesus, what are you, 12?

375
00:41:38,740 --> 00:41:41,260
No, actually, I'm 18.

376
00:41:42,260 --> 00:41:43,260
And I consent.

377
00:41:43,620 --> 00:41:44,620
Stop!

378
00:42:01,900 --> 00:42:03,580
Did it work?

379
00:42:05,280 --> 00:42:07,500
I... I don't know.

380
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:13,840
But he could be in any one of 14 ,605
,000 realities.

381
00:42:14,270 --> 00:42:15,870
Hey, uh, Doc?

382
00:42:16,610 --> 00:42:17,910
Shouldn't you have sent me back too?

383
00:42:18,770 --> 00:42:21,490
You kind of sent it back to undo
something I did.

384
00:42:21,770 --> 00:42:25,550
I know you're like a wizard and all, but
it really just doesn't make any sense.

385
00:42:28,910 --> 00:42:29,910
Thank you.

386
00:42:32,930 --> 00:42:37,530
So, Carol, tell me why you're really
here.

387
00:42:38,590 --> 00:42:39,590
What do you mean?

388
00:42:40,670 --> 00:42:42,750
I just wanted to...

389
00:42:43,310 --> 00:42:46,270
If you wanted to turn back time, you
could have just flown around the world

390
00:42:46,270 --> 00:42:49,090
backwards at FTL speed like you did in
Captain Marvel XXX.

391
00:42:49,950 --> 00:42:51,910
Yeah, that is true.

392
00:42:52,390 --> 00:42:58,010
But you can only pull the same bullshit
off so many times until people start to

393
00:42:58,010 --> 00:43:00,830
realize it just doesn't make any
scientific sense.

394
00:43:02,570 --> 00:43:03,570
Well said.

395
00:43:04,270 --> 00:43:11,110
And if I'm being absolutely honest, I
just wanted

396
00:43:11,110 --> 00:43:12,570
an excuse to come see you.

397
00:43:14,570 --> 00:43:21,190
affected as much ever since our night at
the bar I just haven't been able to

398
00:43:21,190 --> 00:43:26,130
stop thinking about you I thought you
said that that night wasn't a thing

399
00:43:26,130 --> 00:43:33,050
what can I say you've got the magic
touch

400
00:43:47,470 --> 00:43:51,590
Are you going to lose this cape or keep
it on the whole time?

401
00:43:52,250 --> 00:43:53,810
Maybe you can levitate for me.

402
00:43:54,270 --> 00:43:55,590
No, I can tell it to go.

403
00:44:35,880 --> 00:44:38,000
Can almost be like the night at the bar.

404
00:45:01,750 --> 00:45:03,150
Marvelous.

405
00:45:34,060 --> 00:45:36,880
This gift doesn't make me comfortable in
the library here.

406
00:46:13,779 --> 00:46:15,180
Wow.

407
00:47:02,700 --> 00:47:03,700
Look at that.

408
00:49:42,910 --> 00:49:49,550
I'm going to

409
00:49:49,550 --> 00:49:55,870
use your library as my personal office.

410
00:50:17,750 --> 00:50:18,750
It's mine!

411
01:00:19,400 --> 01:00:20,400
Thank you.

412
01:02:44,860 --> 01:02:46,960
Yeah, he has a weapon that you must
take.

413
01:03:16,750 --> 01:03:18,590
Do you want to put your cock back in
there?

414
01:06:29,390 --> 01:06:30,390
uh -huh

415
01:09:17,160 --> 01:09:19,960
Thank you.

416
01:09:32,200 --> 01:09:33,200
taste is good too.

417
01:10:11,750 --> 01:10:12,810
Hello, Peter.

418
01:10:14,610 --> 01:10:15,610
Who are you?

419
01:10:16,090 --> 01:10:17,970
I am you.

420
01:10:18,410 --> 01:10:23,470
Okay, I may not be sure of many things,
but one thing I do know, I don't have

421
01:10:23,470 --> 01:10:24,750
double -D jugs.

422
01:10:25,230 --> 01:10:27,710
I didn't say I was Peter Parker.

423
01:10:28,510 --> 01:10:29,850
I'm just living your life.

424
01:10:30,890 --> 01:10:32,550
I don't understand.

425
01:10:33,590 --> 01:10:34,750
Where am I?

426
01:10:35,230 --> 01:10:36,270
Earth -65.

427
01:10:37,770 --> 01:10:40,750
Still Earth, just another reality of it.

428
01:10:41,150 --> 01:10:42,150
You're kidding me.

429
01:10:43,050 --> 01:10:45,950
God, Dr. Strange is a quack. Yeah.

430
01:10:46,430 --> 01:10:52,650
You should know better than to trust
doctors. I mean, Morbius, Octopus, Doom.

431
01:10:53,350 --> 01:10:54,610
Get a grip, dude.

432
01:10:55,870 --> 01:10:58,850
So I'm guessing I'm on Earth 1?

433
01:10:59,210 --> 01:11:00,270
Earth 616.

434
01:11:01,590 --> 01:11:07,330
Seriously? Alan Moore actually wanted to
call it Earth 666, but that didn't fly.

435
01:11:07,650 --> 01:11:08,690
Yeah, I bet.

436
01:11:09,070 --> 01:11:10,570
So what's your story?

437
01:11:11,120 --> 01:11:13,600
My story is your story.

438
01:11:14,780 --> 01:11:20,920
See, in my world, I was the one bitten
by the radioactive spider who became the

439
01:11:20,920 --> 01:11:22,640
wall -crawling math vigilante.

440
01:11:23,340 --> 01:11:25,940
They call me Spider Woman.

441
01:11:27,340 --> 01:11:31,040
That's what they came up with? I mean,
based off your costume, I would think of

442
01:11:31,040 --> 01:11:34,140
something like Ghost Spider or
something.

443
01:11:35,120 --> 01:11:36,120
Hmm.

444
01:11:36,960 --> 01:11:40,140
Catchy. Well, what about me? Is there...

445
01:11:40,600 --> 01:11:41,600
A me here?

446
01:11:42,500 --> 01:11:44,980
Well, there was.

447
01:11:46,180 --> 01:11:48,040
Oh, crap.

448
01:11:48,980 --> 01:11:55,720
Yeah. Then again, everyone in school did
call you Pathetic Parker, so

449
01:11:55,720 --> 01:11:57,520
not much of a loss.

450
01:11:58,020 --> 01:12:04,720
Ouch. Well, if the spider bit you, what
was I... You

451
01:12:04,720 --> 01:12:06,680
turned into the lizard.

452
01:12:07,020 --> 01:12:08,020
Oh, gross.

453
01:12:08,120 --> 01:12:13,690
Yeah. And wait for it, you did it to
impress me.

454
01:12:14,330 --> 01:12:16,250
Kind of dumb, if you ask me. Jesus.

455
01:12:17,030 --> 01:12:19,030
Did it at least work?

456
01:12:19,470 --> 01:12:23,090
No. Uh, I had to put you down.

457
01:12:24,290 --> 01:12:29,190
Okay, that was just me. Well, what was I
supposed to do? Be seen around with my

458
01:12:29,190 --> 01:12:30,310
reptilian boyfriend?

459
01:12:30,890 --> 01:12:37,330
Wait, does that mean that... In your
dreams, at least in this reality, in

460
01:12:37,330 --> 01:12:38,330
your...

461
01:12:38,640 --> 01:12:39,640
Different story.

462
01:12:39,820 --> 01:12:44,440
So in my world, did we know each other?

463
01:12:45,280 --> 01:12:46,520
Yes, Peter.

464
01:12:46,980 --> 01:12:48,780
And you killed me.

465
01:12:51,400 --> 01:12:52,400
Gwen?

466
01:12:53,780 --> 01:12:55,440
I've been waiting for you.

467
01:12:56,260 --> 01:12:57,560
You have?

468
01:12:58,060 --> 01:12:59,600
Damn right I have.

469
01:12:59,960 --> 01:13:03,340
We've got unfinished business.

470
01:13:10,160 --> 01:13:11,380
Holy melons, Batman.

471
01:13:12,060 --> 01:13:15,240
You might want to take off that mask,
bug boy.

472
01:13:53,530 --> 01:13:56,150
Peter... Is this your finished business?

473
01:15:44,940 --> 01:15:45,940
Bye.

474
01:16:58,000 --> 01:16:59,540
You know, I think you've got a little
bit bigger too.

475
01:17:05,600 --> 01:17:07,860
I can't take it anymore, Peter.

476
01:17:09,860 --> 01:17:10,860
You want another?

477
01:20:18,920 --> 01:20:19,920
I really didn't with that map.

478
01:22:34,540 --> 01:22:35,540
time.

479
01:25:10,280 --> 01:25:11,280
Great one.

480
01:27:00,650 --> 01:27:02,970
You know I want it don't you?

481
01:27:03,330 --> 01:27:04,630
I have a pretty good idea.

482
01:27:48,490 --> 01:27:49,490
We've been doing that for a long time.

483
01:27:51,330 --> 01:27:55,210
I think we took care of that unfinished
business.

484
01:27:56,370 --> 01:27:57,750
It definitely looks that way.